Thursday, June 7, 2012

Off with her red!

Time to face the real velvet in the world of cakes and cupcakes, and apologies for those guessing from the ROYGBIV roster. Did you say red? Oh bloody hell, you need help. It’s Black Velvet. Do remember that.

The thing about Red Velvet is that, it’s become the cliché cake that everyone just loves. This bloody color has gotten girls to swoon over reddish-tinged pastries and to hoard cupcakes for anyone’s birthday, anniversary or just plain PMS. It’s maddening what red velvet has done to society, and I shudder at the thought at what might happen if it runs out—on V-Day, of all days. Ah yes, oh no indeed.

Red velvet. If I tell you that it is just food coloring, I’d suppose you’d call me a pesky little liar. Seriously though, if you’re old enough to read this, it should come to your knowledge that it’s just red food coloring. That red velvet is really just chocolate cake that’s been tinted with red dye.

So let’s try to be more realistic. Brown Velvet? Not if you want the cowboys filing in the hordes, or folks who have a taste for leather. Either way, we don’t want horses to be the new motorcycles.

[caption id="attachment_1886" align="aligncenter" width="614"] Black Beauty, guaranteed not to leave fake lipstick stains[/caption]

Black Velvet. Now that’s more like it. Who’d have thought that prim and proper Mary Grace Café would come up with this decadent little bugger of a cake? No reds or pinks, just plain black and white. Classic, simple yet sinfully alluring. With the delightful cream cheese frosting and little swirls of chocolate, Black Velvet brings that artificially red alien into its real gracious form. Chocolate, dark yet fluffy, mildly sweet yet creamy. This contrasting collaboration radiates in its simplicity, and anyone who gets a sample of the Black Velvet by Mary Grace Café would certainly yell, “Off with her red!”

Meet Joe Black. Black Heart Inertia. Black Hawk Down. Now, Black Velvet.

This is why I love black.


  1. This looks glorious! I was only talking with my friend about velvet cakes the other day - she was saying she hates "red" or "purple" versions as she can actually taste the food dye! She'll be very happy when I show her this

  2. Thanks, Lucy! I know - what's up with red and pink? And don't get me started on the rainbow sprinkles. It's the taste that counts!